Reason

"The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world."~~John 1:9

Merry Christmas from our family to yours.

Hibernation

One thing I have learned about myself over the past several years is that I hate cold weather.  And by cold, I mean anything below 55 degrees.  Seriously.  I think I must have been a bear in a previous life. 

Social gatherings during cold weather?  Not really my thing.  Putting on something other than workout gear, comfy lounge clothes (ok, who am I kidding that's my workout stuff or my pj's!), or flannel pj pants?  Not digging that either. 

The holidays provide a double edge sword for my little dilemma.  On one hand, I love the merriment of Christmas.  The lights, the food, the decor, the time with my babies and the Hubs, the food, the cocktails, the memory making. 

But, I truly loathe getting out in the craziness in the cold weather.  Sigh.

How many days until Spring?

Heartbroken

Heartbroken, heart sick.  How do you describe the indescribable?

Yesterday I was off in a rush to make some last Christmas purchases for my precious babies.  Macho Man was home with the Hubs and the girls were at school safe and sound.  About the time I entered the American Girl store some sweet, sweet babies many miles away were facing an inexplicable horror.  Pure evil.

The first I heard of it, I was in a dressing room in J Crew.  No real details were given.

Then I got home and turned on the television.  Immediately, I became glued to the television and the tears began to fall.

How could this happen?  How could you look at those precious babies in the face and commit such a heinous crime?  Why?

Lovebug had a sleepover to go to (and I obliged even though I wanted to keep her in arm's reach) so we piled the two littles into the car to look at Christmas lights and grab dinner.  The everyday.  The seemingly ordinary.  I kept looking at them at the back seat and tears kept springing to my eyes.  I felt thankful, but I also felt guilty for being able to enjoy such a simple pleasure with my children while others were experiencing the unthinkable. 

I let Birdie fall asleep with me on the couch last night and then we had a "sleepover" in Mommy's bed.  Very early this morning I woke up to those big blue eyes looking at me.  Again, I felt thankful...and guilty.  For some, this was the first morning that they woke up without their child.  As I looked into her eyes, I again wondered "How?"  How could someone look an innocent child in the eyes and still be heartless enough to pull the trigger?

I just looked at the victims list.  The majority of them are the same age as Birdie.  6.  6 few years.  Their parents everything.  I let my mind wonder to thoughts that I shouldn't.  Christmas presents that will never be opened.  What the 13th or 14th victim was thinking as this was all going on.  Parents remembering their goodbyes from just that morning.  That last hug.  The final "I love you". 

 I think I will have to quit watching the news.  It's too overwhelming to comprehend.  And again, I feel guilty.

Psalm 34:18: The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Plans

Lately I have found myself thanking God repeatedly for the same thing over and over. 

Thanking him for Macho Man specifically. 

After Birdie,  I had thought I wanted to have one more baby, but after being off of birth control (tmi?) for quite a while and not being pregnant I started making plans.

Plans for a family of 4...not 5.  Traveling more.  No more baby toys, furniture, etc. all around the house.  Sleeping in on Saturdays.  Smaller car.

I made my list and did the whole pro and cons of getting pregnant again.  I made a decision.  I was done with babies...and I was fine with that in my heart.  So much so that when I found out I was pregnant I cried.  I mean, cried cried.  And it pains my heart to say this, they were not happy tears.  I cried for a week.  Finally I accepted that I was in deed pregnant, but I wasn't ever over the moon excited.  I spent the last 2 weeks of pregnancy very sick and that didn't help things. 

Macho Man was born on November 5th and I fell in love with him immediately...BUT...I just felt off.  Then the horrible feeling like I was drowning started.  I felt like I literally couldn't come up for air and that the weight of everything was just pushing in all around me.  Looking back I realize that I was suffering from postpartum depression.  It sucked.  Macho Man bonded with the Hubs so much quicker and easier than with me.  And that made it even worse.

But here we are three years later and I think of how this family would have never in a million years have been complete without my spirited, sweet little boy.  His hugs and kisses make my heart melt.  He's a Mama's boy that thinks of his Daddy as his best friend. 

Another example of how God (and his plans) are always perfect!!

Birdie says

"Me and Papa are just alike.  We both love me."~~only Birdie

Wordless Wednesday--the Faithful Girls

Thankful Thursday

I'm thankful for so many things, but sometimes it really is just the smallest or most simply things that count for so much in the everyday scheme of things.  Here's a few of the things that bring a smile to my face:

Good music.  Yep.  That simple.  There is nothing like riding in the car with the kiddos and everyone belting out a tune together.  At the same time, how happy do you get when you hear a song that just takes you back to a different place or time?  I've already experienced both this morning and they are both equally wonderful.

A good ole Clemson sunset.  I am privileged to live in God's Country as we call it in the Upstate and I swear he paints the sky purple and orange just for us Tigers every evening.

Texting.  I am not a phone talker, except to the Hubs and maybe a handful of my closest friends.  Texting is completely my jam!

A good smelling candle.  Is there really anything better than walking into a room and it be filled with one of your favorite scents??  (If the room is still clean from where you cleaned it up 15 minutes earlier that's like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!)

Magazines and catalogs in my mailbox.  While I admit, I hate having to deal with mounds of mail (just like laundry!), I love getting all snug in the bed after all the littles are asleep, watching some smut television and just pouring over my magazines and catalogs.

It's the little things, folks.  

Wordless Wednesday--how we spent Macho Man's 3rd birthday!:)

(Thank you, Tiff for another great photo shoot and sharing yet another special day with us!)

Rock the Vote!

I am thankful that today is (finally) election day and that I am a citizen of a country that allows us the opportunity to have a voice in our government.  I am thankful for the men and women who bravely fight to protect and preserve that opportunity.  I am not thankful, however, for all the name calling and general nastiness I have read on facebook in the past few weeks regarding people's choices.  Regardless of what "side" you are on, when you participate in such behavior please remember that it is not a reflection of those you are opposed to, but rather, it is a reflection of yourself.  And ladies, that's just not pretty. 

Faves

Some of my favorite things right now:

My Lumineers CD, yes, I said CD,  because I do not own a I-anything.  And yes, I am straight out of the stone ages!

When Macho Man says the dinner prayer, he prays with one eye open so he can keep watch over the rest of us.  Takes everything we all have not to crack up!

Pumpkin Pie Martinis.  Pumpkin anything for that matter.  Yum!

My Under Armor waffle weave pull over with a hood AND pouch.  Perfect for walks.

The new show Nashville.  Good stuff I tell ya!

Clemson football. Duh.

The fact that the election is 13 days away.  Thank you sweet baby Jesus, maybe then all the crazy rants on facebook will end.  Crossing fingers!

Wordless Wednesday--I DID IT!!:)

Butterflies

In three short days I leave for DC to participate in the Susan G Komen 3 day, walking 60 miles in 3 days to raise money and awareness for breast cancer.  My teammate and I have raised almost $6000 and I couldn't be more proud of us!  With that being said, the butterflies in my tummy have taken up permanent residence.  As in,  they can wake me up in the middle of the night.  The last time I did this walk was 8 years ago....much younger,  2 children lighter, more time for more training, blissfully naive about how hard it would be.  So, when you get up Friday morning think about the Wife and send some prayers for calm nerves and a strong body. 

Wordless Wednesday

LOL!

Because when you are training to walk 60 miles in 3 days you've gotta have a sense of humor!

tee shirt found at www.cafepress.com

Where O Where?

Just a few months back (or so it feels) I thought I was going to be back in the blogging saddle and ready to go.  Then life happens, kids to get up, ready, on their way, work a little, training for my 60 mile walk(not as much as I should be at this point!), be a (mostly) good wife, so on and so forth.  I always feel like I'm an hour short in the day to day madness (except when Hubby and Old Faithful are on the road and then I'm thankful that there isn't more hours to be a single parent!).  In the past 5ish months we've managed to squeeze in:

Some quality beach time (but I could always use more salt air in my lungs)

Getting to know the (non drama) neighbors that I had shied away from the past 2+ years thanks to
the resident drama queen in the 'hood.

A weekend getaway to Old Edwards Inn for just the Hubs and I (the first such trip in 3 years!)

A fantastic gun safety/personal safety class (yes, the Wife is locked and loaded)

The Hubs first cancer screening. Yep.

Two nights in the hospital with Macho Man (and of course, that included an ambulance ride in the
middle of the night for he and I since Hubs was 7 hours away!)

Birdie was ran over by a fellow child on a bicycle...and after he hit her with his first wheel he              proceeded to ride his brakes across her chest with the back wheel.  And his parents have yet to
apologize or even have a conversation with me about it. Yeah, don't get me started on that one.

The beginning of Clemson football again--GO TIGERS!! Lovebug and I got to walk in right
behind the players this past weekend and she got to rub the Rock right behind them! Loved it!

A few little day trips here and there.

And the list goes on and on and on.  When I was little I remember that it took forever for it to be either your birthday or Christmas and I vividly remember my Dad saying that when you get older that time moves faster.  For the life of me I couldn't understand what that meant.  Now, I know all too well what that means and it just leaves me wondering "Where has the time gone?"

 
 

Reminder

Please remind me this summer when it's blazing hot while I do my training walks that I prefer that over the frigid temps...and yes, I know that walking in DC in October will probably be cold (especially in our tent at night! YIKES!), but that is beside the point right now.  Bring the Spring weather back!!!!

Bachelorette Party

A Bachelorette Party weekend at my age reminds me of one glaring truth...I'm definitely not as young as I once was. But, I did make a 20 something year old cutie's jaw drop when he found out that I am pushing 40 with a 10 year old at the house. Can someone say "ego boost"!!!

60 miles...

I can do that.

I have recently been asked by several ppl about my decision to become involved with the Susan G Komen 3 Day Breast Cancer walk. The simple answer is that I walk to raise money and awareness for breast cancer. Here are some statics to ponder:

1 in 8 US women will develop invasive breast cancer over the course of her lifetime.

A man’s risk of breast cancer is about 1 in 1,000. (yes, the men in our lives need to do self exams too!)

In 2011, about 40,000 women in the U.S. were expected to die from breast cancer.

That’s the black and white, factual reasons why I walk. Then there is the grey area, the reasons of the heart that motivate me to walk. Less than a year after Hubby and I were married, we lost his father to cancer. Before I ever had an opportunity to meet my father in law, Wayne, he had already been diagnosed and undergone a double mastectomy for the treatment of his breast cancer. It all started when he felt a tiny pebble like area on one of his breasts. Wayne is more than just a statistic for us. He loved rebuilding old cars, the Beach Boys, his friends and his family,. Lots of times I feel cheated. Cheated because I only had a chance to know him for a short while. Cheated because my husband lost his first hero. Cheated because my children never had the opportunity to meet him. Now we are approaching Hubby’s 40^th birthday, the doctors have advised him to begin the yearly PSA testing given his family history. So begins a journey of always trying to stay on the offensive should this nasty disease try to rear it’s ugly head in our family again. Or at least that is what my head says. My heart sometimes has moments of weakness and feels a little like it’s been gut punched. Like somewhere from the dark the other boot is going to drop down. I walk so that maybe before that happens a cure can be found.

There are several ways you can help me during this adventure. First is the most obvious, donations. If you are interested in donating, leave me your email address in the comment section and I will get in touch with you to provide you the information you need. Second, I need your prayers for strength during this process. Third, I need volunteers to take time to walk with me. I hate walking alone! It also helps to have people hold you accountable for getting your miles in.

As I continue with this journey I will try my best to keep you all updated to how things are going so you can experience all the trials and tribulations with me. This is my second time participating in the walk so I know that are a lot of moments to come that will be both emotional and hilarious!

Bump Up

Today I was involved in a bump up...with a parked vehicle. Luckily, the Hubby was there to witness it with his own eyes or I don't think he would have believed how it all went down. He was as shocked as I was when he heard the horrible crunching sound because I (and he!) truly thought I had plenty of room to make my turn into a parking place. I revert to the frightened teenage girl when these things happen. My dad would completely freak out over things like this (no, not beat me, but rant and rave like the world would stop turning) and it just gets my heart racing. Of course, we went into the restaurant and found the gentleman who's car I sideswiped and exchanged info, etc. I was amazed when I was actually thanked for not driving off and letting them know what I had done. I can't even imagine leaving that mess behind! I had a brief little cry in the restaurant about it and the Hubs was super sweet per usual and I pulled myself together. After getting home from picking the girls up he told me the insurance company called and said we would have to pay a thousand dollar deductible. Well, that led to another meltdown. The silver lining? My sweet, precious 10 year old girl got up from the table as I sat there with my head buried and came up from behind to just hug me and hold onto me for a moment and to tell me it would all be ok. And you know what? She's right. I had an accident, I was called upon to do the right thing and in the mean time, my daughter showed me the compassionate young lady she is turning into. Priceless.

Back Pain

My back is tired. Macho Man is a little over two and I still pick him up and carry him around a good bit. People question why I don't just let him walk. Because. Because I don't want to. Because when I pick him up and he puts his little hands on my cheeks to be able to look me in the eyes, my heart melts. Because one day in just a few short years I won't be able to. And he wouldn't want me to even if I could. Because he is the last of my babies I will ever have the privilege to carry in my arms. The evil irony to having three children is that your last baby wants to grow up fast to keep up with the "big" kids. As a mommy, you realize how quickly those years slip past and you want to keep them a "little" kid. I can't remember the last time I walked around carrying Lovebug in my arms. I can remember the first time walking around with her, but not the last. Birdie is already too big for me to carry around. But Macho Man? While he may seem "too big to carry" by many, to his mommy, he is still just right for a little while longer.

Monday, Monday

Rainy Monday = starting the week off with zero pep in my step! It comes on the heels of a great weekend that included a girls night out to dinner and to the Luke Bryan/Jason Aldean concert (even if you don't like country, you should take a look at Luke Bryan--he's super cute!) and a night in with the Hubby on Saturday watching "The Help". The two nights were completely different, yet both were completely perfect.

Comings and Goings

What's going on in this Faithful house? Oh, just the usual. 3 days of dance in the evenings, 2 school club meetings (which means I get to sit in the pick up line twice on those days!), room mom duties, etc., etc. This year I'm striving for balance. Last year was a whirlwind with so many weddings to do and other work obligations that I just want "balance" this year. I want to focus on me a little bit. I want to have one holiday weekend that doesn't include a wedding! (I somehow managed to schedule lots of those last year!) I want to work out. Yes, I want to work out. My motivation there is that I will indeed be walking in another 3 day this year (more on that to come!). I want to have time to organize my house. I want to take a spontaneous trip or two. I want to spend some time with my friend family that I have neglected this last year. I still want to rock out a wedding or two, but just make it more balanced with all the other aspects of my life.