Saturday, December 15, 2012


Heartbroken, heart sick.  How do you describe the indescribable?

Yesterday I was off in a rush to make some last Christmas purchases for my precious babies.  Macho Man was home with the Hubs and the girls were at school safe and sound.  About the time I entered the American Girl store some sweet, sweet babies many miles away were facing an inexplicable horror.  Pure evil.

The first I heard of it, I was in a dressing room in J Crew.  No real details were given.

Then I got home and turned on the television.  Immediately, I became glued to the television and the tears began to fall.

How could this happen?  How could you look at those precious babies in the face and commit such a heinous crime?  Why?

Lovebug had a sleepover to go to (and I obliged even though I wanted to keep her in arm's reach) so we piled the two littles into the car to look at Christmas lights and grab dinner.  The everyday.  The seemingly ordinary.  I kept looking at them at the back seat and tears kept springing to my eyes.  I felt thankful, but I also felt guilty for being able to enjoy such a simple pleasure with my children while others were experiencing the unthinkable. 

I let Birdie fall asleep with me on the couch last night and then we had a "sleepover" in Mommy's bed.  Very early this morning I woke up to those big blue eyes looking at me.  Again, I felt thankful...and guilty.  For some, this was the first morning that they woke up without their child.  As I looked into her eyes, I again wondered "How?"  How could someone look an innocent child in the eyes and still be heartless enough to pull the trigger?

I just looked at the victims list.  The majority of them are the same age as Birdie.  6.  6 few years.  Their parents everything.  I let my mind wonder to thoughts that I shouldn't.  Christmas presents that will never be opened.  What the 13th or 14th victim was thinking as this was all going on.  Parents remembering their goodbyes from just that morning.  That last hug.  The final "I love you". 

 I think I will have to quit watching the news.  It's too overwhelming to comprehend.  And again, I feel guilty.

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