Lately I have found myself thanking God repeatedly for the same thing over and over.
Thanking him for Macho Man specifically.
After Birdie, I had thought I wanted to have one more baby, but after being off of birth control (tmi?) for quite a while and not being pregnant I started making plans.
Plans for a family of 4...not 5. Traveling more. No more baby toys, furniture, etc. all around the house. Sleeping in on Saturdays. Smaller car.
I made my list and did the whole pro and cons of getting pregnant again. I made a decision. I was done with babies...and I was fine with that in my heart. So much so that when I found out I was pregnant I cried. I mean, cried cried. And it pains my heart to say this, they were not happy tears. I cried for a week. Finally I accepted that I was in deed pregnant, but I wasn't ever over the moon excited. I spent the last 2 weeks of pregnancy very sick and that didn't help things.
Macho Man was born on November 5th and I fell in love with him immediately...BUT...I just felt off. Then the horrible feeling like I was drowning started. I felt like I literally couldn't come up for air and that the weight of everything was just pushing in all around me. Looking back I realize that I was suffering from postpartum depression. It sucked. Macho Man bonded with the Hubs so much quicker and easier than with me. And that made it even worse.
But here we are three years later and I think of how this family would have never in a million years have been complete without my spirited, sweet little boy. His hugs and kisses make my heart melt. He's a Mama's boy that thinks of his Daddy as his best friend.
Another example of how God (and his plans) are always perfect!!